Jason Blasta
A typical white-collar father who works as a middle manager at the Millsbury Industrial Baking Complex. Though his family often raises his dander, he never stoops to the level of raising his hand to them (only his voice. A lot). Having been promoted the management soon out of college, he’s developed a bad habit of overestimating his abilities, such as believing he can bake a cake despite knowing nothing about cooking merely because he oversees their mass production. Refers to everyone who’s name he doesn’t know (or forgot) as “Charles,” and howdy as a greeting to try to appear down to earth, only to display his ignorance even more thoroughly as he lives in the northeast and he’s the only person using “howdy.”
In spite of his many eccentricities, he’s always doing his best to provide for his family (whether his best is good enough is up to interpretation).
Alanis Blasta
The matriarch of the Blasta family, well versed in the arts of cooking (pre-made meals), shopping (because nobody else will do it), and the ancient practice of “damage control.” She has reluctantly resigned herself to the fact that the boys of her family are walking social calamities and has conceived of methods to maintain stability, such as replacing Jasons cakes with storebought cakes in the night and giving George burnable objects, so he doesn’t seek out more dangerous material. Concerned about her time spent wrangling idiots, she’s always seeking out new ways to connect with her daughter Gina, mostly over reading, sometimes random and surprising attempts at hugging. Though she seems callous on the outside, it’s only because her insides are so busy thinking of ways to keep their sinking ship afloat that she forgets to make facial expressions that aren’t facepalms.
George Blasta
The biggest little troublemaker in the entire town. He presents as a shy and quiet child without many friends or hobbies, and this unassuming exterior only makes it easier for him to pull off japes and jests and occasional arson without being caught. Takes particular joy in messing with his sister Gina, but has her back when other, larger bullies try to target her. She’s HIS victim.
The logo on his beloved bootleg graphic tee was designated a hate symbol by the anti-defamation league in 2003.
Gina Blasta
The youngest child of the Blasta family who is as intelligent as she is wracked by anxiety. Her social skills aren’t exactly the best, and this combined with her brother’s tomfoolery have resulted in a persistent state of paranoia that undercuts her already troubled attempts at socializing. Makes regular attempts at exposing her brother’s antics, only to be foiled by a mix of his deviousness and her own terrible luck.
Crunchy
The beloved family pet whose blank stare captured the heart of George as a wee lad. Now serves as George’s conscience in Calvin and Hobbes-esque interludes in which only George can hear him speaking. His favorite foods are hamburger, cheese, and whatever garbage he finds while on a walk. Whatever accidents or misfortunes befall him, no matter how violent, he always survives completely unscathed like a cartoon or something.
